She's Jess: Expressionism works, not impressionism.

her spilt out: . growing up .

something awful happened hours ago. it happened just like that and... i cannot be bother much.

realized that i need to get my life on and get back on to the right track.

everything happened in just a blink of eye that i wasn't able to follow up what was actually going on, how did it happened and why did it happened.

i believe that for what has happened , there must be reasons. sooner or later, the truth will be revealed but heck who cares, i can't be bother much anymore.

crying is not the solution and attempting suicide is a big no no. but... what's the point of me realizing when i am going to repeat the same thing in the future? i lost count of how many times i committed suicide. anyway... i am glad i am brave enough to do so again after so long =) i am not insane okie? you think everyone has the courage and the guts to do so?

i have realized that it is so extremely stupid for me to actually commit suicide for others. each time when i do so, it will leave scars for forever. what's the point of me, remembering the cause of the scar for life right? not worth it at all...

jesslyn, grow up.

mr. ex- boyfriend called me up. he knew something was wrong. intuition or sixth sense, it doesn't matter. what i know is that, he is nosy *haha* no lar... his intention was actually to ask me out on new year eve. well, not in the mood for anything.

back to him, he pointed up that i've grown up a lot compared to years back, but still... am always very emotional when problems come. he too realized that up to today, i take love importantly. that is not a bad thing for sure. i mean, different people take different things importantly in life right? to me... love. further explainations will be given in the future if i have the time for it ;)

i love to be loved. i don't love to be fooled.

love?

Love can be a many splendid thing
Has another joy you bring
A dozen roses
Diamond rings
Dreams for sale
And fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you'll just want the world to see
But like a drunk that makes you blind
It'll fool you every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
Gets stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all

Now I was just a once a fool it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
I swore I'll never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
Gets stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all
My heart keeps calling
And I keep on falling
Over and over again
This set story always ends the same
Me standing in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up insidebel
Make your heart believe a lie
Gets stronger then your pride
(The trouble with love is)
See your heart its in your soul
(It doesn't care how fast you fall)
You won'tt remember control
(And you can't refuse the call)
See you've got no say at all
The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie (
the trouble with love..)

by kelly clarkson.

the song speaks it all. see? love can be a wonderful thing but also a silly thing.

*breathes hard*

i guess i've made some immatured acts hours ago. yes, was too emotional that has led me to be so annoying and irritating. i know. what has been done, cannot be undone. can't change the fact of it. i am sorry.

for whatever has happened or going to be happen, i don't like the idea of destroying my friendship simply because i value and treasure my friendships with you very much. you heard me. just like me and mr. ex- boyfriend, no more in a relationship but we are still able to keep the friendship up to today.

speaking of him, haven't been meeting him for a year. wow... time flies...

please be noticed that i hate saying things which i don't mean it at all. so please, take note, bear in mind that whatever i have confessed or going to confess, whatever that has been spoken by me, i mean it. i mean it. and, do not every try to flatter me with phrases or statements that are untrue. i hate that.

also, please do not ignore and avoid problems when they are there. any misunderstandings or confusions, discuss with the involved person. it is always better to solve it so that say, if i were to put to death, i can rest in peace you see? but even if you insist of doing so, i left with no choice but to go with the flow.

we have our own ups and downs so long as we are breathing here on earth and for sure, we are going to face more challenges in life. life can never be perfect and i hate the fact of it.

my journey of life seems to be so complicating. rocky roads. bumpy ones. big holes. so adventurous huh?

right, am growing up...

so now, what's next for me?

She's Jess
Saturday, December 31, 2005 12:50 AM
6 pour out(s)